A Mom's Cry

"If a pregnant woman is infected with German measles there is a risk of damage to the unborn child."

I couldn't believe this!!! why is this happening now? God, why now? this morning, our operations manager already noticed the rashes on my face, but i just ignored his remarks since I did not see them myself. the day went on like usual, and i never thought that as the day ends, a shocking truth will wash over me - I HAVE GERMAN MEASLES!!!

when i clocked out, the guard told me that my face looked different, that there were rashes. and so i looked at it on the mirror...indeed, those rashes were signs of German measles...i immediately remembered the time when i had a German measle in 2005 and researched a lot about it...and when it came to me that the effect of this would be on my baby, i tried so hard not to cry especially when i was riding the jeepney. before going home, i decided to drop by here at the nearest cafe to research again on the topic...and 'twas there, right in front of my face, telling me that the rubella virus can pass through a woman's bloodstream to infect the unborn child...GOD, WHY NOW??? WHY MY BABY??? MY BABY DOESN'T DESERVE THIS...AM THE ONE WHO MUST BE PUNISHED FOR MY SIN, NOT HIM...NOT MY BABY GUIAN...

i'm so confused right now...what will happen next? and another thing that's worrying me is that i wont be able to work for a couple of days, even weeks, so that means, i won't also have any salary...I CAN'T GET SICK NOW!!! and while am still online, i saw Ghie went online...i had second thoughts about telling him this...but as a father of this baby, i think he should know..so, i tried to message him, "kumusta po?"...but he never replied...and since he's not interested to talk, i decided not to tell him..what's the use right? i feel so angry with him right now...i know, i have the right to feel this way coz he's supposed to be there for the baby - HIS BABY...why does he have to ignore including the baby? i can bear the thought that he ignores me, but not the baby...not this innocent one...darn, im crying now..i don't care what these people beside me in the cafe would think...i can't help it anymore...THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!for the past month and days, i did nothing but to understand and accept that everything was my fault...but the way he's behaving now, this is really too much...

i don't know how i'd handle this...the past month, id been very strong...but now that the baby's health is at risk, darn, i don't know what to do...I just want to pray and pray, and hope that my baby will be ok..."Punish me Lord pls....not Baby Guian...not him..."