Prodigal Daughter

Tomorrow is Papa's birthday...Last year, my brother and I surprised him with a birthday party. But this year, I don't know how it'll gonna be.. Until now, we're not yet talking..and the last time I saw him was when I left the house a week ago to move to my new place...

I've always loved Papa, but just like any other daughter, I am not perfect, I commit mistakes and disappoint him..and now, it's not just once, twice, but it's for the third time, so I'm sure it would be so difficult for me to please him again and make him proud of me as a daughter...

I even remembered yesterday, when i was talking with some of my officemates, i mentioned to them that in the "Prodigal Son' story, the son came home only once and his father accepted him; but on my part, as a "prodigal daughter", this is the third time...some would say that I'm so stupid to commit the same mistake over and over...and partly, I would agree..

But, I have no regrets with any move that I make in my life...Because just like what my bestfriend Krisma told me, I want to learn things the hard way..I know, often times i make decisions where i let my heart rule instead of my mind..but no regrets..i always believed that whatever actions i do, i will be ready for the consequences, and such consequences will teach me the hard lessons that i need to learn in life...

Tomorrow will be Papa's birthday, so what am I gonna do? I was thinking of having a party for him, but what if he'll just ignore me when i go there? or what if i would invite him, tita, and my half sisters out for lunch or dinner, will they ever accept my invitation?

Darn, i feel like crying now...i felt as if, in just a snap of a finger, my father became so distant..or perhaps i was the one who became so distant to him...I miss him...I miss him so much...i miss our talks, especially when I whine about how pissed off i am at work...i miss those days he drives for me when i go to the office...i miss how he made me breakfast in the morning and prepared my lunch for noon...

how i wish, I'm still papa's little girl...wish i can be just like that, free from worries about life...but time passes, life changes, and I have to deal with it...i just hope in time, there's a room for forgiveness in Papa's heart for a "prodigal daughter" like me...