Break..break..break...

I saw the blog of my officemate here named Y***, and I can't stop laughing when I read one of her posts entitled, " The Wallclock, Bow!". This girl is cool, I mean she can really come up with a post that fast, to think that the wall clock or wall clocks at that were just hung yesterday. And mind you, she even took pictures of the said wall clocks, one at the pantry and another near the Content Dev't department. (isn't it obvious that the clocks were really intended for us??hmmm) So, what do these clocks mean?

Well, well, well...as far as i know, they say some of us here in the department are going overbreak..(ahem, am i included in the list? ssshhhh..preggy's are supposedly excemption to the rule..wehehehe) so, perhaps the wall clocks are intended to remind us of the allowed break time.

but can i just give some figures here? For the month of June, my group had 4 SCWs and 13CWs reaching the productivity milestones, 7 of which even reached the 100%. And I, as the CDS, even reached my target of 70%...so basically, going overbreak has no effect at all on our productivity...but since it's in the company policy, we are required to follow..

so guys, when its break time, always remember to look up and check the time...And time now is 10:58am - IT'S LUNCH BREAK!!! CHOW TIME!

My Last Letter to You

The day I met and got to know you was one of the happiest days in my life. We started as friends and as days passed by we get to know each other even more. From that time and the days that followed, indeed my life became so meaningful because you were my inspiration. Until the day you said you love me and I said I love you too, that made me the happiest person in the world. How I wished the time can stop right at that moment so I can cherish it for a long time.

Days have passed and we were so sweet and full of love to share. You taught me how to love like I have never really loved before. You also taught me that I was special and that I only deserved all the world's greatness. You taught me that I was truly an angel from above, and that there are people out there who are worthy of my love. Everything went well between us and that was really great. But then you also taught me that love doesn't really last forever unlike in fairy tales and that those you love can lie to you.

When you said that you don’t love me anymore, it left me torn into pieces. Those words hurt me so bad, so bad that it made me the saddest person in the world.

Now I sit here and said to myself, why did I let myself fall in love so hard with you like you are the only man in the world? Why did I allow you to teach me all those things? Why did I let you hurt me so bad? You said I deserve to be loved and that you will take care of me, but why did we end up this way? Many days had passed by and I had a hard time getting through what had happened. But good thing I was able to realize and cope up with all the things that happened to us. Now, I understand why we had to say goodbye to each other, but not with the one inside me, our baby.

Now, I want to thank you for all the precious moments and magical times we had shared, as well as all the meaningful words you said to me that made me believed you will love me forever, that you will be there for me through thick and thin, and that we will prove to everyone that our love is strong and real. Even though we are no longer together, I want you to know that I'm not that mad with you anymore. Actually, there is no hatred inside me, only wishes that you will still be the good man that I used to know and that you will achieve your dreams even without me as your wife to support you all the way. But remember that I'll always be a friend to you, giving you that moral support that you need. I want to say thank you for everything. Though I still really want you back because I need you, we need you, sad to say I can't have you again for we have wasted our love so many times.

I'm really sorry for all the times I was so self-centered, but you know I had devoted enough time for you. Sorry for all those words I told you which discouraged you to love me even more. If only I could be given another chance to show you that I’m worthy of winning your love, and could allow ourselves to show once more how we really feel about each other and could have each other back, certainly we will never have to think about leaving each other again. I will fill your heart with so much care and love. I will even spoil you so that you will know I really do love you even though you are so far away from us. But, what else can we do, can I do? It looks like you really don't want us again.

Life for us still goes on, I will not waste my time hoping that you'll love me again, so all I should do is focus and take care of my baby. I just wish you will be able to find the right girl who will love you more than I do; the one who could really love you the way you want to be and whom you could really love and never ever leave. You may find her one of these days and she may be prettier, smarter, and funnier than me, and everything you want from a girl who will sooner or later be your wife. On my part, I just wish myself and my baby that we will always be healthy until I give birth to him. We will live a happy life together and promised not to leave each other whatever happens.

I really don't want to lose you, us, and the complete family that we once promised to each other and to our baby. I've tried to make things work out, but failed. I even asked myself why I'm always a failure when it comes to you. But no more self-pitying, so now I am already moving on and looking forward to more great things to happen to me. If you are already happy without me, I also deserve to be happy even without you. And I also deserve to be loved by someone who is not you.

Just wanna share my thoughts...

I had a tiring day, but it was great. Today was Nathan's 1st b-day, baby of my friend Stella. I was happy to see that Nate is now very handsome and looks exactly like his mommy. I even told Stella that Nate is her carbon copy, her boy version.

While looking at them during the party, I couldn't help but think about my Baby Guian. I become more excited to see my baby, and hold him for the first time. Actually, I'm still not sure if he's really a boy, but I'm hoping and praying that he would be. Two weeks from now, I'll be having my ultrasound, and I can't wait to know if he is a he or she is a she. If ever she's a girl, I don't have a name in mind yet. Maybe you guys out there can give me a suggestion...

I talked to my baby's Papa a while ago, and I was happy to read his message saying "love you baby". The past months, I already accepted that we mean nothing to him already. But reading these words from him a while ago, of course I felt happy because in spite of what happened to us, I still want my baby to be loved by his father. I already come into terms that I never really won his love in spite of the love, care, support, and understanding that I gave him. My only concern now is the welfare of my baby...I'm glad to know that he has dreams for Guian. as for me, I know the best is yet to come and God's purpose why He let us break-up will be revealed in time.

Three more months of waiting...But this won't be too long because time flies so fast. See, it's almost end of July again, and once Ber month comes, we'll hardly notice that the year is soon to end. But before it ends, I'll be a proud Mommy again because I chose to give my Baby Guian the greatest gift of all - THE GIFT OF LIFE!

MIssing my BFFs!

I decided to go home a little early tonight so I can have enough rest. I've been a little restless lately, so I thought that I'd better get off to bed early this evening. But just when I'm dozing off, I heard my phone ring. At first, I thought it was just part of a dream. But when it wasn't, I wondered who the caller would be. It was from one of my bestfriends - Ate Rhey...

We chat for nearly 30 minutes, and all we did was just laugh and laugh about the things that we used to do together. She of course asked about my condition, and if I'm doing ok. I said yes, everything's fine with me. I told her that I can't even wait to see her, and that she should be here in Legazpi when I give birth on the end of October; anyhow it will be near Nov. 1 so she can take a vacation by then.

Actually, Krisma and I are planning to visit her in Manila at the end of the month. I just don't know if that will push through, but I sure hope it would because I also need a few days away from here, to unwind and take a break from work pressures.

I'm really so lucky to have bestfriends like Krisma and Ate Rhey...We have been through so much - and after 15 years of being friends, still we're here for each other. I know I disappointed them for so many times, including this pregnancy that I'm going through now. But as my BFFs, instead of leaving me, they stick with me at my worst and never made me feel that I'm alone on this condition.

So, I'm looking forward to our Manila trip on the end of July..If that won't push through, then we'll just have to wait 'til I gave birth so we can start planning our out of the country trip...Hongkong? Macau? Singapore? Malaysia? Hmmm...Any destination will do, as long as it will happen this time, with the three of us together boarding that plane...

For now, it's time to go back to bed...Zzzzzz...Nyt Guian!

Baby is now at 24 weeks!

I went to my OB today to have my monthly prenatal checkup. I was a little early and so as I waited, the clinic attendant got my BP and my weight. I was thankful that until now my BP is normal which is 100/70 and my weight is 61kgs. During my first pregnancy, I had pre-eclampsia so I'm trying so hard now not to experience that again. I make sure that I won't exceed the expected weight 'til I give birth and that I eat the proper diet so that my BP won't rise.

When my OB arrived, she immediately asked me to lie down to get the fundal height of my abdomen. It increased from 12 inches last June to 20 inches now, so that simply means that Baby Guian is really growing, and he is growing fast. Actually, he looks like the one in the image now..It's so nice to see that his body is really fully-developed. After the fundal height, the doctor let me hear his fetal heartbeat, and I felt relieved to hear that his heart is beating well, around 140beats per minute.

Then, my OB asked if I'm already experiencing cramps, and I said yes. She advised me to elevate my feet when lying down and to avoid standing or sitting too long. She also told me to eat proper diet, avoid caffeine, softdrinks, junkfoods, drink Enfamama, and take the vitamins she prescribed. She scheduled my next visit on the 13th of August, on which I would also need to have my 4th Tetanus Toxoid vaccination. And what excited me most was when she told me that I can already have my ultrasound any time after this visit. So, I'm planning to have it during the 1st week of August, 'coz I still have to wait for the next payday...(no budget for now, prenatal consultation and vitamins first..whew! being pregnant is not just difficult for the body, but for the pocket as well...hehehe...but this will be worth it, right Baby Guian?)

Before ending the consultation, I asked my OB about the effect of pre-natal depression to my baby. She asked me what was the problem and so I told her a jist of the story. She explained to me that there is a psychological effect on the baby when during the term of my pregnancy, I keep on thinking about problems and other things that can make me feel stressed out and depressed. She also said that this might lead to my baby suffering from a disorder called ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) which can manifest when he is in pre-school age. Upon hearing this from her, I almost cry because I've been too selfish the past months, allowing myself to be enslaved by this depression.

My OB also gave me a lot of advice about the present problem that I shared to her. But the best was when she told me that all i needed to do was to PRAY and CAST MY BURDENS UPON THE LORD BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS WHY THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING. She was even laughing when she shared to me her own experience with her husband when she was also pregnant. So, she said that instead of focusing on the problem, I'd better focus myself on taking care of the baby inside me.

Actually, I'm trying to do this lately, it's just that some people are so good in provoking me. Putting me into a test, then when I utter something that they misinterpret, they will use it against me, making me feel as if I'm so bad. But I won't allow this to happen again, never ever again. Instead of allowing "him" to pull me down, I would just pray to the Lord to give him an open-mind to understand the whole situation, especially the pregnancy that I'm going through now and learn how to accept his mistakes, humble himself, and forgive like what I did. I would pray that Lord will bless him, and help him overcome the bad attitude with the good because his bad side will never make him grow as a person.

So, now, no more crying, and I'll try to be as strong as possible for the sake of my Baby Guian. I'll make sure to it that I won't be affected with anything that other people will do to bring me down and make me feel bad about myself. From this day on, it will be all about Guian...

Dear Baby Guian

Hi baby! It will still be years before you can actually read this letter, but by that time I'm sure you'll be able to understand what Mommy wrote here and why Mommy chose to keep you in spite of the many trials that I'm going through now. After you read this, I'm sure you'll be proud of me. But there's this fear that maybe you won't be able to forgive me for not giving you the complete family that every child deserves to have. I hope you will understand that I did try..even tried so hard...

I'm so excited to see you already..You're just 24 weeks, and I still need to wait for at least 12 more...I can't wait to see how you look. I wish you'll have my looks, my eyes, my lips, and of course my dimples. I want you to look so cute and oh so adorable, and I want you to be as smart and determined as Mommy.

I know it will be difficult for me to raise you alone, but Mommy will try very hard. I may not be able to take the place of your Papa, but I will do everything to give you the love, attention, time, and care that he's supposed to give. Whatever his reason is for not being with us, God only knows.

But I want you to know that I tried to reach out to him because I promised you, and he even promised you that we will be a complete family when you come out until you grow up. But he has changed, he's now a total stranger. He's not the - the same would-be Papa that we used to know. The loving and caring man that we knew, is now a man enslaved by pride, anger, and fear. I even asked where is now that man whom I used to love - the caring one, sweet, loving, and forgiving. The man that I talked to now thinks as if everyone is taking advantage of him, that the people close to him just love him because he can provide them with their needs. He begins to distance himself from us because he thinks we will leave him. But the truth is, we never left him and we never took advantage of him. We never even pressured him to give us support because we understand his situation.

All we needed was his love, his care, and a little of his time and attention. But why is it that his anger to his past, to those who took advantage of him, and to the things that happened to him before enslaved him now and we are the ones being punished. We are not the ones who hurt him in the past, we are not the ones who left him, and we are not the ones who made him feel a loser...but why is he punishing us to the extend that he even dismissed his dreams for us, for our family, and especially for you Guian. The man I talked to now is so cruel, so unfair, so selfish, and loves only himself...And honestly, I feel as if I don't even know him at all...Because the man I love, and the man who is supposed to be your Papa is very kind, sweet, caring, loving, understanding, and has big dreams for you..This man is gone Guian, he's gone - and we can do nothing but to let him go. Let's just be happy for him instead, and move on without him.

Anyway, I can now see that he's happy without us, and looks even happier when he punishes us because of his cold treatment...So, will we let this man continue to hurt and punish us in spite of the many times we showed him our love, care, and support? Will we let him continue to despise us just because Mommy made a mistake when she let herself be provoked? Will we continue to hold on to the thought that your Papa will come back and recognize you as his son? Or would we rather let go of him now, and start to forget about him completely because we can never bring him back?

The choice is ours Guian, and since you can't make a choice yet, I already made it for us...For your sake, I chose to move on and let go because your Papa will never come back. And I chose to despise the stranger now who's trying to bring us down and make us feel unworthy of his love and attention. If he is happy now, then we can also be happy...We'll just pray and hope that this man will realize that what he's doing now to us will not make him more of a winner, but a loser in the end because he let his negative attitude rule him instead of the positive.

So, hang in there Guian, 12 more weeks, 12 more...As each day passes, I become more excited. When the big day finally comes, Im sure I'll be the happiest woman in the world. I LOVE YOU!

Beer and Cigarette

You might be wondering why my post is entitled "Beer and Cigarette".

It's plain simple, these are the two things that I gave up for almost 6 months now, and probably for 3 more. I'm not actually the type who is very dependent on these stuff, it's just that when I'm too stressed out, these are my usual companions. But because of this baby inside my tummy, I have to give these up for a while...

Darn, my mouth is already starving for these...I remembered those nights after work, when I'll do nothing but puff a stick while listening to mp3 playing on my cellphone. And also those times when Noli was still here, and joined me in a one-on-one drinking session, actually it's a two-on-one 'coz Maida also joined us. I really miss those times because in spite of too much pressure that I was taking from work, I got to unwind and felt relaxed after.

3 more months of waiting to be with my buddies..wehehe...really good buddies! i can hardly wait...whew!

Dear Lord

I received an email this morning from Mama Wen, my officemate. And instead of forwarding it, I decided to copy it here in my blogspot so that more people can read it and that every morning when I log in to blogger, I'll remember to utter the said prayer. This is a really wonderful prayer, so I'm sharing it to you...

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately and for those who don’t believe.

But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

I'm so happy for the winner of Deal or No Deal today. I've already watched so many episodes of this game show, but this one really put me into tears. I'm even shouting when the 100,000 briefcase was opened, and finally, the 1,000,000 when Jennel Montero said "No Deal"...The winner is really blessed, thinking about all the hardships he had been through. God rewarded him for being such a good and determined person. Plus, before the game started, both he and his wife really prayed and entrusted whatever the outcome is to the Lord.

So, another big lesson learned for me - if you really entrust everything to Him, your life will not be all downs at one time. God knows when it's time for you to be rewarded for all the hardships and efforts you made and for being a good person to others. You may not see the result now, but God is watching - and only He knows when the right time is...So, now, I keep hoping, praying, and entrusting my life and my Baby Guian's life to Him because I know He is always there watching over us...My baby and I may be in a struggle right now, but in the end, we will be blessed because we entrusted our lives to the Lord.

My Prayer

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Today is supposedly our 5th monthsary. Five months ago, I was the happiest woman in the world, coz i thought finally God answered my prayers and gave me the right partner that I could spend the rest of my life with..As he gave me that ring and told me the words, "I love you", I could not believe that my dream finally came true, that I finally won his love..So, when I told him "I love you, too", I made a promise to myself that I'll make this relationship work this time and be the best that I can be.

But things didn't turn out the way I expected, and the truth today finally washes over me. I asked him why he changed and if indeed his love for me faded, he never replied. His silence is killing me, but I expected that coz I know how he is - if he doesn't love the person anymore, he would prefer to remain silent until the girl finally realizes that and let go. I admit, I cried when he didn't answer me, because it would be easier for me to accept if he is more frank. But what can I do, that's how he is..And I know, I could not change that.

He said the reason why his feelings changed was because of my attitude - demanding, nagger, negative thinker, confrontational, and most of all does not know how to control one's anger. I am aware of all of these, but I'm also aware that I am not like these towards him all the time. If what he feels for me is real love, these attitudes would have not been enough for his love to easily fade. I know I can change and be a better wife, all I asked from him was a little patience, a little understanding, a little time, and more assurance that he truly loves me and be there for me even at my worst.

A long distance relationship is not at all easy to maintain, it requires hard work. It requires more understanding and patience. One month, three months, four months, five, a year, two, or even four years should not be a probationary period, because change does not happen over night. I don't want to be demanding, to be a nagger, or to be easily angered, that's why all I'm asking from him is a little more patience because being in a long distance relationship, and pregnant at that is not at all easy. But he deprived me of this simple thing that I asked, because he thinks more of his anger, his hurt ego...I cannot erase all those hurtful words that I've said, but I've already explained why I said those and apologized.

He said he's not angry anymore, that he's already ok..But why is he still so distant from me, from us? We miss the old Ghie that we have..we miss him so much...how I wish I can bring him back...and rebuild this family for the sake of Guian because my baby doesn't deserve to have a broken family. I love my baby so much, and I want to give him the best. How can I do that, if from the start, I could not even give him a complete family. But I have to accept this now...I can't go on hoping that the old Ghie will come back and love me and Guian again.

For now, I'll just be contented with what the new Ghie can give us, and we wish him the best in everything.

Only Questions..would there be any answers?

i've so many things to ask and tell you, but i preferred not to because it's totally different talking long distance than when you are in front of me...in person, i can freely explain my side, see your reaction in every word i say, and determine your sincerity if indeed there's no more love left for me. so, now, i'm contented to know that you are doing ok, that you are happy without me and your baby..i don't want to give you any more worries, so even if there are times that i feel that urge to talk to you about what happened to us and open up about my ups and downs in the office or in any situation, i choose not to. you already have lots of things in mind, and adding up to that will just make things worse for us.

maybe you'll think that my silence means i'm not sad without you around. actually, i am, more than you'll ever know! and sometimes it hurts when i see you online but we're not talking like we used to. or when i see your status "view my webcam", thinking that perhaps there's someone new who's making you happy now, while depriving me and Guian, who need your love, attention, and care more today than ever. i know, it's not right for me to think and feel this way, that's why i tried so hard not to be affected. i just keep on telling myself that everything happens for a reason. if you are now happy without us or with someone else, then i''ll also be happy for you.

i miss u, yes i do! i miss your jokes, your "pacute" in webcam, the way i tease u when u pronounced english words wrongly, our nonsense talks about anything, and the way we laugh when we reminisce the funny memories when u came home like the flat tire, the long trip to your place where i was whining already, the cam got damaged at champions, the video i took when we were at the "forest", and of course the unforgettable "big chicken" from Tropical Hut. Oh well, those were the days!

but, i also miss our serious talks, about our future plans - the house and lot, appliances, the car, the business, your plan to study again, migration to Canada, and the dreams we have for Baby Gerald Guian. we may fulfill these plans, only this time it's different, and harder because we don't have each other for support and motivation.

i really have lots of things to miss about u, about our relationship, our friendship. i could even spend the whole day writing everything down especially those times when we make each other happy even by just chatting, talking on voice chat, or looking at you in webcam to make me and Baby Guian sleep. i wanted so much to bring those days back, but i guess there's nothing i can do for now. i do respect that you don't want to talk about what happened and patch things up between us..although there are so many things that i wanted to ask you, like why u changed so suddenly towards me, how can u take it that we're not talking like before, why are you that easy to let go of a person just because we had fights and I let myself be provoked and said hurting words, and how can you say that you don't love me anymore just because I failed your tests, I'd rather keep all these to myself and not seek for answers since you don't want to talk.

communication is supposedly a very important aspect in a relationship, especially in our long distance situation. but i do respect your silence, really i do, since i know u so well that you prefer not to talk to the person when you don't love her anymore but let her feel that instead. you are the type of person who does not have the courage to tell the person of what you truly feel, which is even more hurting because there is no closure. but i do understand why you're like that, i know ur afraid to become the loser this time..i just hope you'll also think about the whole situation..and when the time comes that you are not angry or you're not being enslaved by your pride anymore and want to talk, i'll just be around..

please take care always...

Living Alone for a Month Now! So, what's next?

I've been browsing the Internet for a couple of minutes now when suddenly it occured to my mind to surf on the topic, "Living alone and enjoying it". I came across different sites but only one really caught my interest and got me into reading the whole article about "Coping with Loneliness". I asked myself, "am I lonely now that I live alone?"

It's been a month now since I moved into my own place. For the first couple of days, it was really lonely. There were nights that when I came home from work, I would cry. Sometimes, i would just sit on a corner and think if I did the right thing of separating from my family. But I told myself, it was the choice I made, so I had to stick to it and prove to them that I can make it alone. So, instead of mopping around and crying, I kept myself busy. I made plans, both short-term and long-term plans.

Some of my short-term plans include improving my place, buying appliances to be used at home, securing an Internet connection, preparing for my baby's things, doing a little of freelance writing work, and keeping myself busy in the office so when I get home am already too tired to even think about the loneliness of being alone, with no one to talk to about how my day went.

I've already accomplished a few of the short-term plans that I made. One is that I've already secured my own tv and dvd set. Yeah, I already got my SONY Wega - finally! So, now it's not that boring anymore when I get home. I get to see tv shows at night (especially that PBB season 2..Wendy was such a Biatch..good thing Bea won, i sent text votes for her..wehehe) and spend my weekend having DVD marathon...Second, I already secured a DSL connection, so I'm now online to the max. I don't have to visit the internet cafe from time to time just to check those sites that I can't open in the office like Friendster, YouTube, and P*** sites...(huh! what's that) And third, I already bought some stuff for Baby Guian like his mittens, feeding bottle, and tie-side shirts. (I'll gonna post the pics of all baby things here once I completed everything before his birthday).

As for my long-term plans, of course the idea of working abroad is still on my mind. But I'm having second thoughts now of doing it next year. I hate the idea of leaving my baby at such a young age. I wanna see him grow, hear the first words he'll say, be there for his vaccination and check-ups, when he first crawls or walks, and many other things. I don't want to miss all those; the compensation abroad will not make up for the happiness that my baby will give me, am sure of that..so, as for my plan of working outside the country, that could definitely wait...

Other long-term plan I have is to buy my own lot and have my own home built on it. My bestfriend told me that a certain land is being developed here in Legazpi and that I can already have a reservation in case I want to buy a lot. I inquired about it and was informed that it will be developed around 6 months from now. So, I'm planning to make a reservation, at least 120 sq. meters, and next year if I can acquire a loan, I can move on to the next plan which is to have my home built on it.

These are just some of my plans, short-term and long term. Actually, tomorrow, my next move will be to get a sala set. I need one because how can I accommodate my friends and officemates here at my place if they have nothing to sit on. And oh by the way, my own car is of course included in the list. I want my baby to be as comfortable as possible when we go to places....for now, this is just a plan, but it's all up to me to make this materialize.

So, after a month of staying here in my own place, I can say that I'm not really that lonely being alone. Actually, I'm beginning to enjoy it a lot especially when I start to see my plans materialize. It feels wonderful to be independent, and to actually buy the things that I need with my salary. It's not good to keep on working and earning a lot, then see nothing after years of working. This could just be a little accomplishment for now, but once I've completed everything. I'll be proud of myself that I survived living alone...