Friday, July 06, 2007

Only Questions..would there be any answers?

i've so many things to ask and tell you, but i preferred not to because it's totally different talking long distance than when you are in front of person, i can freely explain my side, see your reaction in every word i say, and determine your sincerity if indeed there's no more love left for me. so, now, i'm contented to know that you are doing ok, that you are happy without me and your baby..i don't want to give you any more worries, so even if there are times that i feel that urge to talk to you about what happened to us and open up about my ups and downs in the office or in any situation, i choose not to. you already have lots of things in mind, and adding up to that will just make things worse for us.

maybe you'll think that my silence means i'm not sad without you around. actually, i am, more than you'll ever know! and sometimes it hurts when i see you online but we're not talking like we used to. or when i see your status "view my webcam", thinking that perhaps there's someone new who's making you happy now, while depriving me and Guian, who need your love, attention, and care more today than ever. i know, it's not right for me to think and feel this way, that's why i tried so hard not to be affected. i just keep on telling myself that everything happens for a reason. if you are now happy without us or with someone else, then i''ll also be happy for you.

i miss u, yes i do! i miss your jokes, your "pacute" in webcam, the way i tease u when u pronounced english words wrongly, our nonsense talks about anything, and the way we laugh when we reminisce the funny memories when u came home like the flat tire, the long trip to your place where i was whining already, the cam got damaged at champions, the video i took when we were at the "forest", and of course the unforgettable "big chicken" from Tropical Hut. Oh well, those were the days!

but, i also miss our serious talks, about our future plans - the house and lot, appliances, the car, the business, your plan to study again, migration to Canada, and the dreams we have for Baby Gerald Guian. we may fulfill these plans, only this time it's different, and harder because we don't have each other for support and motivation.

i really have lots of things to miss about u, about our relationship, our friendship. i could even spend the whole day writing everything down especially those times when we make each other happy even by just chatting, talking on voice chat, or looking at you in webcam to make me and Baby Guian sleep. i wanted so much to bring those days back, but i guess there's nothing i can do for now. i do respect that you don't want to talk about what happened and patch things up between us..although there are so many things that i wanted to ask you, like why u changed so suddenly towards me, how can u take it that we're not talking like before, why are you that easy to let go of a person just because we had fights and I let myself be provoked and said hurting words, and how can you say that you don't love me anymore just because I failed your tests, I'd rather keep all these to myself and not seek for answers since you don't want to talk.

communication is supposedly a very important aspect in a relationship, especially in our long distance situation. but i do respect your silence, really i do, since i know u so well that you prefer not to talk to the person when you don't love her anymore but let her feel that instead. you are the type of person who does not have the courage to tell the person of what you truly feel, which is even more hurting because there is no closure. but i do understand why you're like that, i know ur afraid to become the loser this time..i just hope you'll also think about the whole situation..and when the time comes that you are not angry or you're not being enslaved by your pride anymore and want to talk, i'll just be around..

please take care always...