Tuesday, January 22, 2008

How Can I Forgive You?

I read my blog archive a while ago, and suddenly I felt this heavy feeling which have long lingered inside me since the day you left. Yeah, maybe you're right, I'm not yet that strong since I still can't forgive you.

But I ask myself, "how can I forgive you? Will I ever forgive you?" Nobody can answer this for me, that's what I know. Only me can find the answer.

But really, how can I forgive you if there is still so much pain inside? How can I forgive you if the memories of the past keep coming back in my mind? And how can I forgive you if you're still there and I'm still here? Why can't I forgive you? Why?

Yes, we're talking now, we're trying to fix things, and we're trying to start a new!

You're giving me time, attention, care, and love, but for how long? Will you stick with me through thick and thin now?

Or will you be a fair-weather man again who'll just stand by me when I'm at my best?

You left me at my worst, that's all I know. And while reading my posts way back when I was pregnant, I couldn't help but feel angry again. Yes, I'm mad at you, I'm still so mad at you! How can I ever stop feeling mad at you?

I utter this simple prayer, asking God to help me find peace by forgiving you from what you did. But I'm still weak, and it seems there's still no room for forgiveness inside me yet.

How can I forgive you? I want to forgive you, but where do I start? I certainly don't know.

But thanks for giving me the time that I need, will you wait patiently for me? Will you always be around now even if I seem lost at the moment? Will you guide me back to you?

I don't know if I still love you, all I know is that I still care. You're my bestfriend, will always be. But will I be your bestfriend as well?

Let's treasure this friendship, more than anything else. YOU will always be a part of ME, and ME a part of YOU. No matter what happened in the past, only God knows if there will still be a YOU AND ME in the future.

Now, how can I forgive you?


homar said...

somebody once said that forgiveness is a double blessing. it's a blessing to the one who gives it and it is also a blessing to the one who receives it. well, i guess some wounds are really hard to heal. but the only way to be truly free is to let go of the anger that shackles us.

Phoebe said...

yeah, time is the best healer..I know in time, I will be able to forgive him. as to when, I still don't know!

tnx for the nice message, homar. I appreciate it a lot...

homar said...

i am not anymore a religious person but i find this prayer to be inspiring:

"God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference. "

cEciLLe said...

i do not wish to read here another "you and me" post in the future.
really, bhem, someday i hope you will write something that says "us."
be happy.