Why now? What now?

Have you ever felt so torn and you hardly know what to do? This is exactly what I'm feeling now. I'm so confused. Really confused. Why? Because I'm beginning to feel these feelings which I should not entertain. I'm still aching and I need time to heal. I'm battling with my emotions, and the wrong seems to be stronger than what is right. Or maybe the wrong is the right one, and the right is the wrong? Do I make any sense? Darn, I think I'm not.

I keep on asking, "why now? What now?" Decisions..Decisions..I have choices, and I'm afraid to choose the wrong one. But what is wrong and what is right? I don't know, can somebody tell me? I'm torn, I'm confused! I was badly hurt and the pain still lingers. The hurting words still echo in my ears. The horrible times of being alone still enters my mind. I want to cry, I want to scream! "Why now? What now?"

I'm picking up my pieces now! I was too shattered when you left me at my worst, at my lowest. It was not easy. You made me suffer and even before the past year ended you left me all alone! I thought for once, you'll show me that you never really left me, but you did! You did! The tears just kept flowing, my heart was aching. Why did you left me at my worst? Why?

You hurt me too much and I couldn't bear the pain. I'm so scared of you now, please don't hurt me again. I don't want to hurt you in return. I need time to heal. The pain still lingers. Give me time. I need to find the answers. Why now? What now?