Saturday, January 05, 2008

I Broke My Promise

When the first day of the year 2008 entered, I promised myself never to cry again. But it's just the 5th day of the year, and I already broke it. Yeah, I'm crying again. And you know what's causing these tears in my eyes? It's the happy picture of my ex with his family. I'm so silly to be crying over something so insignificant, right? You might think that jealousy is what's behind these tears. But it's not.

Perhaps, the right word to use is envy. Yes, I envy him for having a complete family. It's been a long time since I last heard from him, so I was really happy when he added me as friend. And when I browsed his photos, there he was, looking so happy and contented with his wife and two kids. I was thinking, when will I ever have a photo like that? Will my Baby Gaby ever have a photo with me and his Papa? And again, self-pity is trying to enslave me now because I feel sad that Gaby's father is not even proud to show her picture to everyone.

The thought that Gaby will grow in a broken family still hasn't sink in to me yet. I hate myself because at the back of my mind, I'm still wishing that Gab will have a family which she can be proud of. But there's this voice within that tells me to accept this sad reality so we can finally move on. And I know I should listen to it. Enough of these tears...

4 comments:

atomicgirl said...

I can totally understand what you're feeling. There are still times that I wish my son would have a complete family but I do know that He has plans and maybe those plans doesn't include having his real father around.

See, maybe there's someone out there waiting for you to come along so you could complete his wishes of having his own family.

Hang in there Phoebe.

homar said...

life is full of "what ifs" and things that "might have been". unfortunately, we are stuck with the "what it is." i believe life is still beautiful inspite of frustrations and hardships.

it really depends on how we perceive things. it's either we see the glass as half-full or half-empty.

life is too short to have too many regrets...

cEciLLe said...

i guess i need not say that i know exactly how you feel..

cheer up, girl, its really a tough road.

i have ethan. you have gaby. smart mothers give birth to smart kids. dont worry, they will understand.

if they dont, well, we can always cry together.

miss you.

- maida - said...

like kumusta naman ang mga comments ninda saimo bhem? pirang tawo pa ang dapat magsabi kaan saimo for you to realize na gaby is enough and your love for gaby is enough for her to be complete...

sana ok kana ngunyan...dakul nagapadaba saimo friend...so cheer up...

love you and miss you...